Memories of Mother

Upon her lap hair in pigtails rosy cheeks eyes of wonder

Pleading for more words with my teary eyes

The sound of mothers voice soft spoken filled with love

Somehow I knew she was my safe haven

Morning walks my tiny hands in hers, afternoon naps curled up beside her

Playing dress up in her pumps and pearls

And when she dusted my cheeks with her rouge I felt like a princess

Fond memories of walking beside her on trips to the city

She was a movie star in my childlike eyes

Lips and nails painted red

Long pleated skirts chiffon blouses

Stockings black pumps matching purse

Shopping for new school clothes

And lunch at our favorite mother daughter cafe

Pink leather booths

The waitress knew us by name

They shared conversation and cigarettes 

While I read the menu with the freedom to order whatever I wanted

Special memories of my mother

(footnote -five years ago 3-18-2010 she entered heaven RIP mother )

The House We Grew Up In

We returned to our childhood home the place where dreams were born because of a mothers free spirit

Once a place of laughter now stands abandoned dark and empty

Broken windows spider webs haunting silence

I feel my daddy’s presence ,glimpses of the past and Sunday afternoon softball games

In the stillness I listen longing to hear the sound of my siblings laughter as we played

Tears roll down my cheeks the emptiness of knowing that part of life is gone

Longing for those days when life seemed more peaceful ,a place when family meant unconditional love

Asking myself how our parents could have left our family home as if forsaking a part of us

The winds of loneliness angrily awaken me from my quiet thoughts as if to say go away this is not your home anymore 

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Dusk

Every evening they sat on the porch waiting for dusk as dinner baked in the oven or simmered on the stove .Day after day week after week year after year it was always the same nothing changed anymore .They’d lived their lives spoken every word, in silence they waited for dusk to bring them closure to another day of mere survival.

They had survived wars and oppression known the ache of hunger too well .Buried their parents and siblings watched their children leave searching for a better life .Age and sickness came like uninvited guest while they were busy surviving ,without resources they accepted life’s fate .

Death would bring comfort their only fear was leaving the other one in loneliness .The fear they could not speak each one knew the unspoken thoughts .Dusk was a gift it meant they had survived another day it meant it would soon be time to rest from their work …..couple-seated-on-porch-gunlock-utah-1953

 

This entry was posted on April 27, 2015. 1 Comment

Jump Over The Moon Blindfolded

From the moment he said hello  I felt his heart beating in mine what is happening does he feel it too this strange sensation something magical beyond this universe is at work I sigh  wondering is this intense connection  real . Within moments we  both knew  without a doubt the depths our souls had encountered .  I  asked him if he would jump over the moon blindfolded with me  without hesitation he said I do.Blindfolded we jumped over the moon hand in hand afterwards we marveled wondered fell in and beyond love dated broke up cried  rekindled and got back together again.

Our  honeymoon  was earth-shaking leaving the both of us breathless speechless .The firelight cast  shadows  dancing  around our bodies as he embraced me  into the amber light gently touching kissing me in all my secret places as we touch and taste the room carnivals around us mixing all five senses into one moment    he whispers….” I could spend eternity making love to you and I would still want more I will never stop kissing you we will enter heaven breathless filled with happiness I feel as if I am already there “….He seduced me with his eyes holding my face in his hands delicately he caressed  my lips with his. Under the shower head he kissed my neck with so much passion drinking the water off my ear than  our eyes met and we said  everything without words as we entangled like vines in clouds of paradise as we race deeper and deeper into our passions  afterwards we lay helpless like dolls lifeless shallow breathing lovestruck and glistening as we softly begin to caress and explore again our hearts are pounding like drums in our ears stars in our eyes dreams in our hearts   in the stillness of the moonlight we lay numb our hearts beating as one.

 Our nights were spent under the tin roof of his cabin we  sipped each others hearts slowly like a straw that’s  broken as we  listened to the rain play melodies to our  heartbeats.We danced under the moonlight that poured through the windows to music no one else could hear lyrics only for our ears love songs were his forte and he wrote them for me with his   gentle love.

I absorbed his mountain like a sponge soaking the overflowing riverbanks his life was my dream .My eyes feasted upon its beauty my ears lingered for each sound my lungs breathed in the anticipated moments that slept in the stillness waiting to be awaken  by our shared voices becoming one thought in two minds those voices that only his mountain could silence .From the front porch of his cabin the sunset was breath-taking with  the prettiest shades of pink my eyes had ever seen.

Memories of the day I  asked for a gala apple for recess   flood my   heart like a river after the rain  this was the day  I  knew without a doubt he loved me because he spent hours searching for a gala apple.I search for his face in the crowd thinking about the apple and suddenly I feel the gentle touch of his hand he is my prince my lover and I smile without a doubt knowing that no matter what happens he will live in my heart and I will always be his Star .He takes my hand and whispers….”my heart is an anchor in a sea of you Starling and I love you to the moon and back forever”….      We sneak a kiss before I go lingering our eyes are as one unspoken words that say it all we both know secrets the world would never grasp and its ours to treasure, eyes that say I will wait for you however long it takes I will find you however far I must travel I will love you blindfolded I jumped over the moon with you blindfolded I said I do.

I will search the heavens for you and long for you on this earth my only hope is to meet you again in whatever universe into the sunset over the moon your hand in mine blindfolded I do forever . I love you I want you I need you I’ve always loved you and always will forever .I remember his words .. …” it gives me hope knowing you are in the world my shining Star I will look for you in the cosmos on my spaceship every time I pass the moon and in my dreams dancing to the beat of my heart by the firelight in my soul your hand in mine Starling ”

Blindfolded we jumped over the moon blindfolded  we said I do…..Let us rest our hearts and minds without tears my prince….

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(Footnote)    We literally touched something beyond this earth this poem may not make any sense to anyone but it had to be written and it was written in tears…. March 2013

Fill In The Blanks

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Deep in the jungle remote
A wild orchid grows free

It’s petals spread in delicate glory
With a pure beauty of whitish pink

A sweet scent sent down from heaven
Completes this ideal creation

The only flaw is it’s location
For this flower will never be seen

It’s stunning perfection
Never glorified

Too far off the beaten path
Just no way to get to the spot

The flower lives out it’s life
Alone and unappreciated

Is it real? Does it even exist?
How do we believe what we can not see?

We be so empirically stubborn!
Demanding proof intellectually

When all we need do is trust our hearts,
A secure depository for beauty

Belief brings the flower to life
Faith sustains the memory

If you don’t believe in anything
Then all you have is nothing

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My Garden 2013

20130516_175122pic-627099060-1369311045228IMG_20130429_20050120130720_09184320130522_19340320130716_20213620130530_19214420130516_17515420130512_194032  I’ve very fond memories of my late grandmother Claire who grew beautiful flowers  .The daffodils peeking  through the snow like a ray of sunshine on a dreary day the sweet fragrance of the iris and the delicate petals of the roses as the breeze  scattered them  underneath   the maple trees for my bare-feet to explore .A smile always comes to my face when I think of her prize weeping willow tree and the fun I had under its cooling canopy on those hot summer days and how she threatened  to whip me for climbing it .A young dream was born in grandmothers yard to someday have my own flower gardens a dream that was hidden  away like a treasure almost forgotten as I grew to love music and fast cars . After purchasing my  home that dream resurfaced as I reflected on the memories of the beauty I adored in grandmothers yard as a child .

My family not only cared for me last summer  they cared for my garden I’m forever grateful for my garden of blessings that bloom each day in my heart .

 

(footnote the flowers shared are from my garden summer 2013 .I also grow grapes blueberries and apples as well as a small vegetable   garden.A  gift inspired  from my grandmother Claire and my Auntie Pearlie .)


I Cannot Cry Anymore

 

 

Go away emotions do not entertain my laughter nor my tears

I cannot cry anymore

I allowed all my walls to be demolished 

Removed each layer of beauty chips and scars

Stood before you stripped bare

Instead of appreciating each part of my heart

You abused and destroyed my love

I cannot cry anymore

Only in body do I exist my heart and soul have accepted a life sentence imprisoned by pain administered by your selfish heart

My only crime was giving my heart sharing the abundance that ounce resided there

No longer can my emotions be touched I have no heart I have  no feelings

I cannot cry anymore I have no tears

tears

 

(footnote : This is an older poem from younger naive days )